Chill. Not that kind where one’s life gets taken away. But that kind where the rut goes away.
Sometimes the planning is what makes something not happen at all. More often than not, planning consumes the energy we should have exerted into the execution of things planned. We end up staring at the list we made, wondering where all the time went. We are left with a piece of paper of things we did not do. We go to sleep, with full determination that tomorrow will be the big day- the day when we see checkmarks on our list. And yet tomorrow is that unicorn-like fantasy where we achieve everything in our list. But fantasies are mere fantasies; they only elicit sheepish smiles.
I was always a planner. I still am, really. So basically, I liked the feeling of finishing something before the deadline. Nah, just kidding. I have never felt that way before.
I know the feeling of pressure, though. The feeling where you block everything around you, and all your energy is channeled into that thing you have to get done. Where you do not get hungry, sleepy, and distracted. As if your life depended on beating that deadline. And that happens every single time.
So I tried fooling myself, acting as if every day was a deadline. But c’mon, how do you fool yourself?
Well, the reward system was going along well, until I began reaping the rewards before doing the tasks. Hopeless case, huh.
So I ended up removing the roots of distraction… and crashed into looking for new sources of the same.
Then I realized I needed to be watched like a toddler. Or guided. Or supervised. Or scolded.
Or I just needed a friend to remind me. Or a trainer.
But the execution part, that’s actually something I realized that should be started only when you’re ready. Physically and emotionally. Not halfheartedly, but with all the guns blazing. But all these realizations should only be contemplated when you have your list done. So the planning and the “realizing” are ruining my “executing.”
Time to get my game face on– I mean, work face. what.